I tried to bow out of the discernment process last night. The truth is, between running businesses and participating in a full-time grad program, I don't have the time to devote to such an all-important undertaking.
Besides, I see myself as an artist - a writer, a photographer, a mystic - and I can't imagine giving up that part of myself to become a parish priest, even as my heart beats in liturgical time to the Presence on the altar.
Also, the process has revealed to me the ways in which I still need to heal from my terrible wound.
The discernment committee listened carefully as I poured out these thoughts to them. They agreed that I appeared to have a full plate.
They completely disagreed with my conclusion that I was not called to the priesthood. They see my gifts as possibility for a wonderful priestly calling. I have agreed to postpone, not end, the process.
The warning here is: once God wraps Her arms around you, She never lets go.
Of course, She has had Her arms around us all from the beginning, long before our birth. We are carried, we are led, we are beloved.
And it all occurs within a blessed freedom - a paradox that is too difficult to understand, but still true.
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