Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

I just finished Lamb. It gave me food for thought, because I've recently made life decisions that involve selling most of what I own (including my house) and getting ready to hit the open road on what seems a madcap adventure to follow the Christ. Here are ruminations about some of the quotations that struck me:

"You won't believe the wonderful things I've learned since I left here, Joy. About being the agent of change (change is at the root of belief, you know)..." (Lamb 305)

Change brings about belief – it is fundamental to belief. Stasis does not bring me faith – I must change, my circumstances must change, everything must change. The radical lifestyle transformation that I am beginning is ONLY the beginning.

"By following Joshua, we had already divorced ourselves of the expectation of normal existence. Marriage, home, family; they were not part of the life we had chosen, Joshua made that clear to all of his disciples..." (Lamb 364)

To follow Jesus as an apostle, I have to really understand that I am giving up a normal existence. I give up hopes of home, family, marriage and all other trappings of a typical life. I should not set out this door still yearning for those things. I need to understand that I am GIVING UP any right to even hope for them. I will not offer to God that which costs me nothing. I must understand this as I commit myself to a pilgrim life.

"What set them apart from the multitudes who would follow Joshua was that they had stepped off the path of their own lives to spread the Word." (Lamb 364)

The problem/joy/reality is, God offers me glimpses down different paths. Not all paths lead to all visions.  I realized this long ago.  I have the gift of glimpses, not the gift of seeing the absolute future. I see what may come to pass, I do not prophesy what WILL come to pass. I think it is because we have free will, and therefore the future is not set in stone. I sometimes see what will happen IF I make certain choices. Some of those (quite lovely) glimpses are unlikely to come to fruition if I walk the traveler's path.

"You all want to cast off what you own, leave your families & risk persecution & death to spread the good news?" Joshua asked.

"Yes!" they all shouted. (Lamb 377)

Am I really, REALLY willing to do this? Am I willing to be misunderstood, ridiculed and thought unbalanced in order to follow God in this way?

"Faith isn't an act of intelligence, it's an act of imagination. They don't need to understand it, they only need to believe, and they do. They imagine the kingdom as they need it to be, they don't need to grasp it, it's there already, they can let it be." (Lamb 394)

Do I have the imagination for this depth of faith? Intelligence will get me only a short distance down this path, understanding little further. I must hold my imagination. Am I willing to do this?

I am the ultimate Fool, because I have already answered yes, even Knowing that I do not understand what I am saying.

How do you Measure Light?

What do you have for me, my dear crazy God? You are crazy by any human measure, crazy judged by what you have us do, crazy beyond measure. Sane beyond measure. Beyond measure, truly.

How do you measure light? How do you measure the darkness? How do you measure when both burst in far beyond human capacity to experience, yet register deeply on the human soul? What am I to do with the darkness, Lord? What am I to do with the light?

You push me - I think you push too far. Do you delight in exploding this fragile earthen jar again & again?

I see your face ever before me. Playful yet intense, & always asking "Can you stay with me now?" Your dark eyes are filled with love & concern & support...and desire. Patient desire, but desire all the same. You want me. You want my heart, my soul, my mind, my all.

Let Go

It's time to let go of guilt, regret, lost hope and every other negative thing. I offered them up and God forgave long ago. I live in bondage by holding to perceived faults and failures. It is not humility but hubris that causes me to beat myself with these empty shells of memory.

The Christ asks tirelessly, "Can you stay with me now?" He wants me to through Him to the rest of the world - the Christ filter. It is beauty and joy; it is the fast-track to our dreams, to our Spirit dreams, infused with matter and come true.

Special Treatment

The blessing of the elements in Christian communion is more than just show; it is the unfolding of the miraculous before our eyes, each & every Sunday, as the earthy elements of bread & wine are imbued with the living presence of Christ. We should treat the blessed elements in a special way when service is over.

And we should treat ourselves & each other just as specially, because we too are transformed with the living presence of Christ & the Holy Spirit.

Held Tight

After a bout of doldrums, I apologized in prayer to the Christ for letting go of him and succumbing to my own grief.

"No problem," he responded with a big, blinding, loving grin. "Didn't you notice? I held you tight. You didn't go anywhere."

Ah. It's not the strength of my grip, but the strength of God's that matters.

Rise up and Run

Christ said to the lame man, “Rise, take up your pallet and walk.”

Is it OK if I walk? Is it OK if I run now? Is it OK to fly?

We are Never Alone

I walk a labyrinth. I walk slowly, in deep meditation. With each step, I feel an increasing heaviness, as though the weight of my life and my sorrows are increasing. In the center of the labyrinth is an altar. I hesitate before entering. I admit to feeling a little disappointed. I’ve never walked a labyrinth before, and I expected a mystical experience, a magical presence. But I haven’t felt anything but heaviness.

I step into the center, and he is there. The Christ. Really, truly present. I take the waiting bread and wine, and I try not to cry as I stand with him. As I turn to retrace my steps and conclude the labyrinthian journey, I sense him walking beside me. With each step, I feel more and more people walking with us, saints from untold years past, until we are legion.

“This is real, isn’t it?” I whisper to Christ. “I mean, you’re really here with me, aren’t you?”

“Did you think I was make-believe? Did you think the words, ‘Lo I am with you always, even to the end of the age’, were pretend?”

I am never alone. I am totally surrounded by all the saints of every faith and every age; by all people past, present and future. The Christ walks with us at all times, whether or not we sense the Presence. We are never alone.