Reflections of the Moon

Reflections to a friend last night while looking at the beautiful full moon:

The beauty of the full moon on a clear night ENCOMPASSES the world. There is joy everywhere and in everything. We have to look harder to see it in some places, but it’s those troubled spaces that give us a chance to grow our souls, so we can appreciate the moon moments even more.

And don't fear for the young who have yet to experience their own dark nights, for they will grow into their souls in their own ways.

Unfurl Your Wings

Where are you taking me, Lord?

"To love & wholeness & joy & deep satisfaction. Why worry, child? It only clouds your spirit. Give me your worries, just put them in My hands & let them go. They are not yours to hold.

"Unfurl your wings & let them beat, for they beat in time to My heart, which is the pulse of the Universe. Fly, child. Fly.

"Love. Don't hold back. I will provide the governing - trust me, & love."

Trust

I have been asked by my priest to go through a discernment process, to determine what God may be calling me to. It is not the first time someone has felt that God may have a hand on my shoulder. This is curious to me, because I think I may be too wild a woman - not necessarily in behavior, but in spirit - to fit into any structured spiritual vocation. But I said yes, and per request compiled a spiritual autobiography. Here is the end:

"Through all the years, I have felt the tug of the Spirit. But I am still unclear toward what end She tugs.

Perhaps – probably – I am unsure because I am stubborn and lazy. I do not spend adequate time in Her presence. I do not pray often enough or deeply enough. Despite being given the gift of glimpses, I do not ask for the gift daily or even weekly. I am, in all ways, an inadequate vessel.

It does not seem to matter. When Father Jim approached me this autumn and, to my surprise, asked me if I was ready to start the discernment process, I threw up my spiritual hands. Fine. I do not wish to wind up in the belly of a whale. I do not wish to sit and pout in a parched wilderness under a drooping bush. I will go where God leads me."

I consulted with Father Dennis at a recent spiritual retreat. He affirmed that he too saw God's hand on me, and in response to my protestations that I am not an appropriate vessel, said:

"Trust. Trust the process, trust the people involved in walking the discernment path with you, trust God. Trust that God is calling you. Calling you to be you. Calling you as you are."

I think that is wisdom for all, whether we are called to sacramental ministry or to a ministry of our hands or minds. We must trust. Trust the process. Trust those around us. Trust God.

How do you Measure Light?

What do you have for me, my dear crazy God? You are crazy by any human measure, crazy judged by what you have us do, crazy beyond measure. Sane beyond measure. Beyond measure, truly.

How do you measure light? How do you measure the darkness? How do you measure when both burst in far beyond human capacity to experience, yet register deeply on the human soul? What am I to do with the darkness, Lord? What am I to do with the light?

You push me - I think you push too far. Do you delight in exploding this fragile earthen jar again & again?

I see your face ever before me. Playful yet intense, & always asking "Can you stay with me now?" Your dark eyes are filled with love & concern & support...and desire. Patient desire, but desire all the same. You want me. You want my heart, my soul, my mind, my all.